Accept feedback effectively

EVERY YEAR AGAIN...

... employee interviews are due at the beginning of the new year in many companies. It's an exciting time!

Because while many of us have learned how important it is to give feedback and, at best, how to give appropriate feedback, very few know how to accept feedback effectively.

Too often, we feel triggered, hurt, or even attacked by criticism or negative feedback. Which makes us more likely to suppress or even ignore it. We should use exactly this as an opportunity to improve! Because valuable, dedicated feedback can be a decisive guide to further development, growth and achieve your own definition of success. 🚀

At the same time, many feedback discussions today are still based on the assumption that managers not only know exactly how their employees have behaved in various situations over the year (rarely!) , but also that she knows how this person should develop (nonsensical!). The New Narrative (#12, 2021) suggests: “In a contemporary, people-centered organization, everyone should be able to decide for themselves whether and how they want to (currently) develop.” The fact that this requires a good dose of reflection, courage, self-confidence and honesty suits us well, because these are values that we at 55BirchStreet uphold. That's why we've developed Birchie's good resolutions about feedback for the new year.

Accept our three feedback resolutions, which we want to implement in 2022:

1. We become aware of the goal and purpose of the feedback in every conversation

Everyone of us is probably familiar with it — critical feedback in particular scratches our self-image and triggers negative emotions such as fear, anger or sadness. These feelings are usually caused by misunderstandings about the purpose and goal of the feedback! Like that?

Let's assume — quite hypothetically — I would always have immediately implemented everything that my manager gave me and exactly as she communicated it to me. In the feedback interview, however, my manager told me: “Let's see that you pause more often before you start running and don't get carried away with the tasks.” WHAT!? Does he/she not appreciate my performance?

I've put a lot of time into this! My rebellious self starts screaming from the inside: “How would it be if YOU thought about what you want first? Unfair!” STOP: Breathe deeply! 😉 Was that even evaluative feedback, which was used to critically assess my performance? Or were the intentions here more of appreciation and coaching in order to complete tasks even better in the future, by understanding what you're doing and not simply implementing it without thinking about it? And doesn't that even make you feel better if you realize at this point that there is support here that shows you how to reach a new level?

We are committed to learning and taking part. If we are uncertain about the intent or type of feedback, we talk to our feedback provider directly to avoid misunderstandings. 😊

2. We test our own emotional predisposition in a self-reflective way

Negative emotions caused by critical feedback also often lead to defensive reactions. Many people know it — after making a critical statement, we feel that we must now justify or defend ourselves. Don't worry, these feelings are natural and reflect the normal tension: first, the desire for feedback to learn and grow, and second, the fear of being treated unfairly or not being good enough.

The most common barriers that lead to emotional reactions and thus hinder the effective use of feedback conversations are triggers of truth, relationship and identity. It is therefore crucial to know and recognize these emotions in order to be able to deal with them better. So to make your next conversation easier, we have briefly listed these barriers for you here:

• Truth trigger are often triggered by the content of the feedback — usually when the advice or review appears inappropriate, incorrect, or unhelpful. In the previous example, this would be the different perception of the service provided, which quickly creates the angry feeling of being treated unfairly. Here it is important to consider taking a short break to take a deep breath and reflect on your feelings.

• relationship trigger are often triggered by the opinion or conviction of the feedback provider. Because the relationship with each other often influences not only how the criticism is interpreted, but also how effectively we accept it. For example, if we assume once again that we have received feedback from our manager: “You could step up a bit more at this point.” Wouldn't we perceive this feedback in a completely different way from a person who, from our own point of view, is less committed (it's bubbling again “You're not accelerating yourself!”) as from a committed? Or even the classic, when you not only work together at work, but also get on well with each other privately. When giving feedback, however, it should not matter who gives the feedback, but you should try to avoid judgments and find out what the feedback that is useful for a personally useful person is.

• At the last barrier, the identity trigger, It is about the relationship with yourself. If we refer again to the example at the beginning, doesn't the feedback perhaps also remind us of sentences that our parents used to tell us? “... think first, act later...” Argh, we feel like a child here again who is afraid of not living up to parents' expectations. In some cases, this can even lead to us feeling insecure or overwhelmed and not letting the valuable feedback reach us anymore.

So if during the next conversation we identify a trigger that prevents us from receiving and implementing the feedback effectively, we consider taking a short break in which we reflect on ourselves.

3. We are proactive!

This not only leaves a positive impression, shows self-confidence and expresses our motivation, but also often prevents emotions such as excessive demands or stress from being prevented.

The New Narrative (#12, 2021) provides the following exciting tip:
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Instead of getting answers to your questions from your manager...

• Am I good enough?
• How can I improve?
• How should I be?

SAsk yourself the following questions:

• Who am I today?
• Who do I want to be in the future?
• How can and do I want to develop?

Tip on top: We talk openly with the feedback provider beforehand about giving and receiving feedback and communicate our expectations in each case. This not only creates a common understanding of giving and receiving feedback, but also strengthens the basis for future cooperation. 😊

We are looking forward to 2022 and talking to you! What are your resolutions for the new year? 💪

A few links:

Grenny, J. (2015). The Key to Giving and Receiving Negative Feedback. Harvard Business Review. (Accessed 22.12.2020)

Harms P. L. & Roebuck, D. B. (2010). Teaching the Art and Craft of Giving and Receiving Feedback. Business Communication Quarterly. Vol. 73, No. 4, pp. 413-431

Heen, S. & Stone, D. (2014). Find the Coaching in Criticism. Harvard Business Review. Vol. 92, No.1, pp. 108-111.(Accessed 22.12.2020).

Porter, J. (2019) 6 Steps Leaders Can Take to Get the Most Out of the Feedback. Harvard Business Review. (Accessed at: 28.12.2020).

Schaerer, M. & Swaab, R. (2019). Are You Sugarcoating Your Feedback Without Realizing It? Havard Business Review. (Accessed: 28.12.2020).

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